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1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced domestic violence within an intimate partner relationship.

What is domestic violence?

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive and controlling behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control another by preventing a person from doing what they wish or forcing them to behave in ways they do not want. Domestic violence affects men, women, children, elderly and disabled and crosses all lines of income, race, religion, gender, sexual identity and education

Types of abuse

  • Physical Abuse

  • Sexual Abuse

  • Verbal/ Emotional Abuse

  • Psychological abuse

  • Economic Abuse

  • Spiritual Abuse

  • Stalking

Services Wild Iris provides

  • 24- Hour Crisis Hotline

  • Emergency Shelter

  • Safety Planning

  • Peer counseling and Support

  • Assistance with Restraining Order

  • Court and Medical Advocacy and Accompaniment

  • Emergency Food and Clothing

  • Housing Establishment and Relocation

  • Information and Referrals

  • Support Groups

Cycle of violence

Domestic violence often occurs in cycles of three phases that illustrates how one partner gains control over another.

Most relationships start out in the honeymoon phase. This is the phase where partners are infatuated with one another and show one another only their very best side. During this phase, the person who harms is a charming, wonderful, and loving person, offering sweet words and gifts and going out of their way to express their love and affection.

Eventually, the tension building phase begins to replace the honeymoon phase. During this phase, the person being harmed often feels like she/he is walking on eggshells, always trying to keep the peace because it feels as though the person who harms gets upset at the slightest provocation.

The tension phase eventually leads to an explosion of physical, verbal or sexual violence. The person who harms will come up with excuses for his/her actions.

After the explosion phase, the cycle begins again with the honeymoon phase, with apologies and promises that the violence it will never happen again. Eventually the honeymoon phase will once again disappear entirely as it transitions into the tension building phase, and the cycle repeats itself.

Signs of abuse

Here are some questions to ask yourself about your relationship with your partner.

Does your partner:

  • Hit, kick, push or physically hurt you in some way?

  • Threaten to hurt you, your children, your pets or family members?

  • Keep you from seeing your family and friends, going to school, or doing other activities that are important to you?

  • Make you feel isolated or control your means of communication such as your phone and computer?

  • Act jealous and question your faithfulness?

  • Humiliate or embarrass you in front of family and friends?

  • Blame you for things you could not control, get angry and refuse to compromise?

  • Stalk or harass you, such as following you or showing up at our home or office uninvited?

  • Make you feel afraid to go home?

  • Force you to have sex or insist on having unprotected sex?

  • Take advantage of you when you are drunk?

  • Deny you contraception?

  • Take sexual pictures or videos of you without your consent?

  • Force you to perform sexual acts on film or in person for money?

  • Threaten to break up with you if you refuse sex?

Is abuse always violent?

No! Abuse is about control, and many abusers make a victim financially dependent on them.

For example:

  • Forbidding the victim to work or attend school.

  • Denying access to a vehicle or damaging the vehicle so that the victim cannot get to work.

  • Sabotaging educational opportunities by destroying class assignments.

  • Withholding money or giving an allowance.

  • Denying access to bank accounts.

  • Hiding family assets. Running up debt in the victim’s name.

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